I knew my mother-in-law for a large chunk of my adult life. She was a wonderful grandmother to her grandchildren. They absolutely adored her. I have visited her grave a few times and felt at peace with her. As other members of hubby’s family, who I knew, are buried nearby, I have paid my respects to them too. One whole generation has now passed on.

I knew my mother all of my life. But, because we moved large distances away from where she lived, she did not have as much opportunity to spend time with her grandchildren as they grew up. There are so many events that she would have enjoyed. I regret she is not still here to share in the developments and in the lives of her grandchildren thus far. I also regret being so far away from her place of rest. I have not been there since the rose tree was planted, very many years ago. It must be solid and mature by now. I feel a need to visit, to quietly commune with my mother in her beautiful place of peace, and I shall.



  1. That’s a lovely post, Menhir. You must do whatever brings you the greatest comfort. I often keep a photo of those I love and talk to whenever I need to be closer to them. May your mam’s rose flourish and blossom in your heart.

  2. It’s a blessing when families live close to each other in these increasingly mobile times. At least your children got to know one grandparent very well. I’m sure seeing your mother’s place of rest will be a very special moment.

  3. Tylluan, thank you so much.

    I was looking at a photo by chance, a couple of days ago, it reinforced my memory of how my mother looked later in her life. I often think of her, sometimes in passing, sometimes to say, “you would have liked this” or similar. Now I need to do something else.

  4. You are right in what you say. I wanted a grandparent and extended family influence, but it was all so far away from the one grandparent who would have valued much more contact than she was able to have.

    Yes, my proposed visit will be a particularly special time.

  5. Your text is moving, because you reveal your feelings.

    I too have regrets. For example, to divorce and marry me with the mother of my children that soon. While my father, today disappeared, would so much have liked seeing my marriage in his lifetime. As for my mother, I do not know if she will still be of this world in a few months to be delighted at this event…

    L’un et l’autre seront contents, au paradis…

  6. Death brings thoughts that have no antecedents – even if we have experienced death before, each one is different. I can well understand your wanting to go and spend some quiet time at your mother’s grave. It could be very emotional but also fulfilling.

  7. I am wanting two elements from the visit, one is to bring some emotional settling, the other is to link in with something my mother said to me some months before she died. I feel it is the right time to embark upon all of that now.

    You are so right about each death experience being different in nature. They can also open up previously contained emotions and take different spaces and time frames to resolve.

  8. that is so true. I had a ‘wobble’ on my conference this week – unexpected, but not surprising I suppose, given that Dad died only 4 months ago and it’s still early days.

    You have my very best wishes for a good, healing and peaceful outcome to your visit.

  9. It is early days yet for you. I am sorry to hear you lost your Dad, and so recently. Emotions are so unpredictable in their expression.

    Thank you, it will be a while yet, as all sorts of arrangements have to e put in place. It is at a point in time like this, I wish I could just get on a local train or bus and take a couple hours out of a day to go to my destination. The up side is that I will be making the visit.

  10. It’s good that you have fond memories of your Mother in law regrettably mine died when my eldest daughter was a toddler and my son a baby, youngest daughter never met her “Nan” but has a strong family resemblance to her. My own Mum watched my kids grow into young adults before she passed away several years ago. I think I may do some communing myself this week – Mum, Dad and Sis’ are all in the same cemetery.
    I hope that you find the roses thriving and the peace that you desire when you do visit your Mother’s resting place.

  11. Hi Marika,

    I think, when I make my visit, the roses will be resting from their busy blooming time. My mother’s rose was meant to be a late Summer early Autumn flowering variety. But, yes, it is a visit I must make arrangements to do.

    I really wanted my family to have the experience of relatives nearby, and ma-in-law was a pivotal figure. As life worked out, it was not possible, because of long distance, for my mother to figure in the same way. C’est la vie.

    Thanks Marika.

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